And so It Begins---I'm a Little Late to This Party, with 50 Shades of Grey, written by P.L. Cobb for

And so It Begins—I’m a Little Late to This Party, with 50 Shades of Grey

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And so It Begins: I Devise a New Art Form

So you all know the story about 50 Shades of Grey, and how it had its humble start as Twilight fan fiction. You all know what fan fiction is, and you’ve probably dabbled in it like I have. It can act as good writing practice. If that’s what you’re aiming at. Now I have a question:

If you’re taking something that you essentially despise and rewriting it to suit your own tastes, then does that make it F%$k You Fiction? 

So, just to be clear, all of the f%$k you’s are aimed at the work itself. E.L. James made a butt-load of money, and I congratulate her … I am specifically criticizing her work, which she put out into the world for all to see (and love or hate, for better or worse). Also, since I’m late to the party it’s a little too late for me to tell her about how terrible 50 Shades of Grey is … She’s rolling in the dough, and I’m not …

Also, I’m going to guess that she knows by now.

About 50 Shades, in Point Form

Because I’m late to the party, I’ll trust that you already know the finer details, so I’ll just show what I know in point form:

  • Started out as Twilight fan fiction, originally called Master of the Universe.
  • E. L. Jame’s fan fiction pen name (and also indie author pen name, from what I understand) was Snowqueen’s Icedragon.
  • It became so popular that it was picked up by Vintage Books.
  • A sh%t tonne of money was made.
  • THEN there was a movie deal, and more f%4king money was made.

So, knowing this, we can go forward …

Master of the Universe is a pretty cool title, and Snowqueen’s Icedragon is not bad for a pen name. James was onto something–I mean, she wrote a book that appealed to a large demographic of people. That’s something. Recently I came across an article that said she would be writing a book about how to write a bestseller.

What Late to the Party Is All About

This series is not about bashing real people. It’s specifically meant to bash 50 Shades of Grey, and the dishrag-esque characters that are present within its narrative. If you’ve been following my efforts so far, or have just come to the party now, you’ll know (or realize) that this series is taking a bit of a different angle …

Here’s a pic to show that it happened:

This screenshot is taken from the first episode of Late to the Party.

So, to re-iterate: what if  there’s an alternate reality where 50 Shades of Grey was actually good? Would it even be 50 Shades of Grey?

To answer this question: NO. It wouldn’t be 50 Shades of Grey. 

And I don’t have the technology necessary to travel to alternate dimensions, thus we’re brought full circle back to the beginning:

If you’re taking something that you essentially despise and rewriting it to suit your own tastes, then does that make it F%$k You Fiction? 

—Me, from the first section. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else has thought of this before me, tbh.

This is pretty much my reaction to every other sentence of 50 Shades of Grey.

In Late to the Party, I will be analyzing the most infuriating bits from each chapter, and rewriting parts to suit my own criteria, and yours, hopefully. I will not be rewriting the whole book. I’m not that into masochism … But whatever I come up with will not be 50 Shades of Grey–

–50 Shades of Grim

Because whatever’s going on in my head is probably better off left in my head, except it’s too late now.

You’ve got to suffer with me!

It’s going to be delectably wicked, so no need to be frightened! XD

The Characters of 50 Shades of Grimm

I’ve given this some thought, and I’ve come up with a few quasi back stories for a few of the characters. It’s not much, but it’s a start:

  • Anna: is her last name still Steele? No, in the alternate reality version her last name is Excelsior, as an homage to Stan Lee. Now, her background is fuzzy in the beginning, but she may come from a long line of demon slayers, almost like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In the 1st book of 50 Shades of Grimm Anna will learn of her heritage, and will have to learn to fight to survive.
  • Katherine: Anna’s friend and roommate. Also the first victim of Mr. C. Grimm. This is alternate world book karma, because she used her friend in 50 Shades of Grey–seriously, Anna was basically her slave/mom. You don’t ask your friggen friend to do an interview when there are other, more qualified people to do it! Grr. Katherine gets on my nerves.
  • Christian: based on his behavior in the book I’ve concluded that Christian should be classed as an undead. Is he a demon? A lich or a draugr? Who knows, but he’s bad news. The only problem is that he’s good at hiding it. Fake news, anyone?

These are the three characters who I’ve thought of the most. But what about Pedro, Anna’s mother? Who are these people and what do they do?

What does 50 Shades of Grimm need? How can this burning garbage heap be transformed into something awesome? Your thoughts and suggestions are %300 welcome.

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